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jtaznbruin
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Country: United States
State: California
Gender: Male
Interests: make money in order to spend money. while it is true that money can't buy you happiness, it sure makes misery a lot easier to live with...and i have no problem with that.
Occupation: Other
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
4/8/2003
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| being an only child has made me very comfortable of being on my own. it's not like i am anti-social or something, but i just prefer having my own space and time when i need them. having lived away from my folks during my college years were awsome, and even though i nearly lost my independence when they moved down to LA, i got away yet again, with a decent career that pays the bill. it's not easy being on your own, esp if you were some spoiled ass rich kid which i don't necessary consider myself to be one but i did grow up in a fairly affluent setting that makes me crave for material well being. since my parents cut me off financially, it has given me extra needed motivation to make it on my own, but after 2 years out of college, having my own business, i am left with even more questions. questions about myself and my ability. i have turned something out of nothing, while it might sound impressive, it is still made out of nothing. recently i lost a big client and this first bump in the road has made me realize that plenty of hardworks lie ahead before i can achieve my goals. yet my goals have somewhat changed in last half year or so, with the shit i am going through (which i am not inclined to share), i no longer want that typical family life, with the kids, the dogs and the two cars. the thought of that scares me, but do you know how rich you can be if you don't have the wife and the kids..all that excess weight which bring you down financially. i wonder if i will truely be happy going down this road, maybe another girl will come and change my mind.. force me back into living the conventional life. i kinda hope so, but at this point, i no longer want to care anymore, not about anyone but me. when you care about no one, there is no one that can hurt you. you cannot have both ways....and it will up to me in the coming years to make that decision. | | |
| i know it's kinda late, but i just got the chance to watch the new matrix reloaded movie tonite, and boy, does it suck big time. i have never seen a sequal that is so poorly written and constructed in my life. Yo Neo, stop asking so many damn questions, and i got a question for you, "why does this movie stink so badly?"..what is all that superman flying bullshit...and what is up with multiple copies of agent smith? hmm..let me guess, cuz the movie is so fucking lame that they had to put in about 20mins of random fighting when you could have just flown your ass out of here? my fellow readers, please stay away from this movie if you haven't yet seen it. save urself from wasting your money and your time...this sequal is absoultely irrelevant....and it stinks so bad it's like a thumb up in your ass!!!! | | |
| ok, so it's been about 5 years since i was able to get away from my folks. first, i tweaked my applications for cal so that i would have no chance of getting in. i marked EE as the major i am applying for to ensure there is absolutely no chance i will be accepted. this way, they can't make me come back home on weekends and all that other annoying bullshit. leaving nor cal. was amazing, not that i didn't like nor cal., but it's hard to enjoy myself when my folks are around..within driving distance. a year ago, they decided to move down to so cal. to be near me of course...which kinda just sucked the life out of me when i realized i might have to live with them after graduation. i can't even ponder how hard that transition would be. it's like a bird set free is suddenly captured and put back into its cage....unable to spread its wings...or in my case..walk around my own apts naked if i want. i narrowly escaped such a fate when i landed a half decent job near my school, which is just too far from their new place in pasadena. i was relieved, even though i was forced to come home once a week. however, it looks like i can no longer temper with my fate and destiny. my folks have agreed to move to an apt right by my work place, thus eliminating any sort of legitmate excuses i could pull out of my ass. well, there is one excuse which is "umm..i just really wanna get the hell away"..but i have enough sense to know that that will not go well with my parents. i know what i am saying is extremely fucked up, but at the same time..i simply can't help it. i have problem even sitting next to them on the sofa..i feel like i am gonna suffocate...their voices...drives me nuts...i feel like my brain will explode any seconds. i know what u gonna say..one day when they gone, i will regret..and u right...i know i will, i want to open up and have a brandy bunch family atmosphere, but i just can not will myself to do it... so in a few months, the life i became accustomed to, will officially end, and this free living, spirited bird will once again be shot down...trapped, enraged, and depressed in his little cage............crying out for the past freedom. | | |
| so...i was getting ready to go back to my apt. from my parents' place when i discovered a burned cd with no title under my car seat. being so sick of my current cd collection, i decided to pop the cd into my car...half expecting to be one of my lame ass fob music..or my korean-washed cd back in da days. as i drove out of the parking garage....the music started to come on...and it was one of my old rave cd..but not just any rave cd...it was my all time favorite. suddenly, i was teleported back to the old dayz... with rave music bumping in my car....and in my head...all the old memory poured back...and i sped up through the 110 south freeway at 90mph (fuck u rice rockets..i got an altima...so hitting 100mph is not really an option i could afford). in the short span of a 25min drive...i forgot the stress and burden of being a 22yr old who is no longer in the comfort of college life....instead...it reminded me of "back in da dayz"...when i popped those e pills down my mouth as if i got way too many brain cells to kill. feeling light headed with my hearting beating with the pace of the music...i could almost feel the effect of the drugs taking control of me again...then my exit came....and once again...i came back into reality...of having to show up to work at 9AM sharp tomorrow..with a whole sheet of "to do" listing. life sucks...so all yall kids still in school...enjoy and fuck around as much as you can...because time has ran out on me. | | |
| i was having a dicussion just 5 mins ago regarding a very interesting topic "motherhood"...considering i am a guy and all. as an asian american, ironically, i do not want a kid at all, and i probably never will. obviously it's a lost cause to try to change the mind of my female friend or most of the girls i know since being a mother is something holy and a natural process of life. but i think there are a lot of misconceptions, from personal stories to the media, having a baby is seen as a wonderful journey filled with joy and love. the reality, however, is far from that. the endless crying, sleep deprived mothers, having to do everything for your baby, and breast feeding doesn't come as natural as you might think. many first time moms regret and wish they could go back, because it's a very difficult process having to do most of the work on your own. i am sure the love you will receive back will be more than enough to repay all the effort..but for me, as a man, i don't need to see my wife with a big belly for 9 months, i don't need to be waken late at nite by the sound of baby crying, i don't need the burden and being tied down, i don't need to deal with a woman that gets even more ridiculous mood swing after having a baby, and i certainly don't need a woman who will lose a lot of sex drive...it's just not worth it. sometime, less is better, and when it comes to baby, i will simply play with my friends' babies and when they start crying, then that will be the signal for me to hand over back to their parents. sorry mom & dad, but no grandson coming from me. | | |
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